Wiccan/Pagan in the Heartland

"Don't tell anyone my maiden name, or that your grandfather is Jewish!"

My mother used to warn me.

I hated her fear.

I felt strongly, that the way to beat religious prejudice was to state your beliefs proudly and strongly. I swore I would never ask my children to keep such secrets.

Many years later, I am asking my children to, "please not tell anyone that Mommy does spell work, or reads tarot cards." Above all! They must not volunteer the information that we do not celebrate Christmas.

I do not want my children to suffer because of my beliefs. On the other hand I want them to know that I am proud of who I am, and am doing nothing to be ashamed of. I don't ever want them coming home with black eyes or worse. How do I set a good example, yet protect them?

When I lived in a mid-sized city, I had a hectic social life, lots of people to read the cards for, even friends to cast spells with. I didn't care that many people disapproved.

When my husband's job relocated we jumped at the opportunity to move. We found the location of our dreams. A home in the woods, very rural, very private, very much in the Bible belt! People actually use the phrase "suffer not a witch to live."

We rarely saw any neighbors until the first heavy snow. We learned then that these people would go above and beyond to lend a helping hand. How would they react if they learned of my beliefs?

My nearest neighbor was very friendly to us for many months, until the day my son locked us out of the house, and she helped us. There, next to the window we used to get in, were all of my tarot cards and metaphysical books. Sadly, she has been icy cold to me since.

When canned goods were collected at a local Pagan Pride festival, the Christian food bank turned down the donations. The interfaith, Spirit and Place Festival, to be held Nov. 2002 will not have any Wiccan or other Pagan groups represented. By the way, the theme of this years festival is "Breaking the Silence." I find it difficult that our silence cannot be broken as well.

The woods have been good to me. Our young children have grown strong and healthy in the fresh air. They have creeks and hills to explore. I quickly settled into her rhythms, my seasons echoing hers. I began to learn to harness the energies of fire, water, earth and air. My intuition has grown tremendously. I watched and learned from the many animals living here. I've begun to see Mother Earth's synchronicities everywhere in the clouds, a pile of rocks, the patterns the branches make. The night skies are far enough away from a city, to be full of stars. I always know exactly what phase the moon is in, because I watch her. We have enough privacy that I can perform my rituals outdoors. I have discovered the spirituality in everyday tasks. The tough, defensive, anxious woman that I was, mellowed into an earth mother. Nature speaks to me daily and I enjoy listening to her.

Sometimes it gets lonely, practicing as a solitaire. Most of the time I do feel the presence of the spirits, the Goddess and the God, around me. I have found dear and treasured friends on the Internet, but I do still get lonely for face to face companionship. Being a hermit has served me well these past years. I have grown in ways I could never have dreamed of but now it is time to reenter the world. I am looking for a community to share my pagan beliefs with. I still don't feel safe sharing in my own neck of the woods, so I will look beyond.

By Victoria Betson