A Non-Traditional Pagan Handfasting

It all started with a piece of calligraphy art that I found at a Renaissance Festival four years ago.

The words of the Old Irish wedding vows, translated by Morgan Llywelyn, seemed as though they were plucked from a storybook, and in the story I was the bride.

I purchased those words, scrawled beautifully on thick matted paper and surrounded by Celtic knots, and tucked them away to be not-quite-forgotten.

Two summers later my husband knelt on the grounds of that same Renaissance Festival in front of the Scottish Highland Dancers and asked me to marry him. When it came time to start writing a ceremony, I pulled out those vows and built the ceremony around them.

"You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give."

A majority of my family members are devout Christians, quite unaware that I am pagan. In addition, they are of the belief that pagans are evil child-snatching devil-worshippers. This proved to be quite troublesome in the beginning. I wanted to incorporate my pagan beliefs into the ceremony in a subtle way so as not to cause them discomfort. I secretly feared negative comments from the wedding guests, particularly those members of my family, regarding my spiritual beliefs. I felt as though I was betraying my spirituality by hiding my beliefs, and yet at the same time I was afraid of being outcast.

"You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand"

Gradually, the pieces started to fit together. I interviewed a Wiccan priestess, a delightful woman who understood perfectly how it felt to be a religious outcast in the family. She was experienced in performing both traditional and non-traditional handfastings and was very excited to find out what sort of ceremony I was creating. She soothed the worries I had regarding my family and reassured us that she would politely identify herself as 'the minister' if asked, disclosing no further information.

"I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning."

Everything began falling into place. Our favorite harpist from the Renaissance Festival agreed to play at the wedding, and we finally found the perfect location in a charming backyard garden. The little flower shop in my hometown created a daisy-filled bouquet that was fitting enough for a dream, and a little quaint Italian restaurant was chosen for the reception location. On Christmas Eve my mother opened the cedar chest that housed her mother's wedding dress, and I instantly knew I would be walking down the aisle with my grandmother's lace flowing gracefully to the Earth's floor.

"This is the vow I make to you. This is the union of equals."

Finally the ceremony began to blossom and grow. I printed out clips from handfastings and ceremonies from the internet, and laid them out onto the floor. I discarded those too wordy or lacking poetry. Somehow the words remaining, like a puzzle, seemed to fit. The result was a very poetic and spiritual ceremony focusing on love and equality, the importance of our gracious Mother Earth, the changing of the seasons and the cycle of life and death and rebirth.

"I pledge to you the first bite from my meat and the first drink from my cup. I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back, and you for mine."

The day I pledged myself to my husband, the sky was clear, the sun shining bright and the Earth bursting forth with mid-summer vibrance. The priestess let the words I had so carefully put together flow from her lips and though we stood still I felt like we were participating in an ancient spiritual dance. "That which is truly eternal is a binding of life and love. It is more than just flesh to flesh; it is mind to mind, feeling to feeling, and soul to soul…In this world and the next," she began. We exchanged the rings, during which we spoke those ancient Irish vows. Our hands were then bound with a silvery rope spun from glittering stars and moonlight. The ceremony closed with a Native American blessing and a sending off by the priestess as she spoke the words "Beannaich Beul" (Blessed Be).

"I shall not slander you, nor you me. I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel, we shall do so in private, and tell no strangers our grievances."

Following the ceremony we were showered with compliments regarding the beauty and poetry of the words that had been spoken, and all fears of being an outcast were dissipated. I had found a way to be open in my beliefs and at the same time be accepted by my family, and that left me feeling grand.

The framed piece of art that depicts our wedding vows now resides on the wall in the hallway, across from our wedding pictures. The memory of that shining day lives not only on my wall, but in my heart and in my soul, where it will thrive for all Eternity…

"This is the vow I make to you. This is the union of equals."

*Vows translated by Morgan Llywellen

Jennifer L. Monaghan is a talented poet and writer. Jennifer has been writing since she first learned how to use a pencil, and her love of the written word is Goddess-given gift. She has been a practicing Pagan for 5 years. She is currently studying to be a Veterinary Technician. This is her first published piece.

The Ceremony

(Procession)

Welcome All

That which is truly eternal is a binding of life and love. It is more than just flesh to flesh; it is mind to mind, feeling to feeling, soul to soul...in this world and the next.

We are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jennifer and Jess. They ask for your blessing, encouragement, and life long support for their decision to become husband, wife and family. Without family and friends beside them, in joy as well as sorrow, this new family will miss the greatest joys of life outside their own home. And that is to give and to receive love. To help and to be helped. To teach as well as to learn.

They are delighted that you have chosen to witness this, the most mystical of unions between a man and a woman.

Remember that this wedding is only a symbol, a celebration, a public recognition. This service is not magic. It will not create a relationship that does not already exist.

It is their marriage and not something created by the state or by religion - it is their's to define, their's to make real, theirs live. Nothing I can say can make it anything more than what already exists in their hearts.

It is a time for tying a knot in the rope of their lives and saying: We will not slip backwards from there, but go forward together. It is a time for one thing of which they are certain - their love for one another and their desire for that love to last forever.

Before we continue with the ceremony, I would like to take a moment to honor the memories of those loved ones who are no longer with us:

Clemens Kusz, grandfather to Jennifer, who left us two years ago, but whose memory lives within all of those who loved him. August Wengenroth, grandfather to Jennifer, who was only able to know just a few short months at the beginning of her life. He, too, lives on in the hearts of those who love him. And Jess' beloved Aunt Ann, who passed from us some years ago, would be so proud of her nephew on his wedding day. They are here with us today, if only in our hearts, watching as we celebrate this blessed union. Let us take a few moments to remember and honor these two grandfathers and any other loved ones who are not able to join us today...

Others would ask at this time who gives this bride in marriage, but as a woman is not property to be bought or sold, given or taken, I ask simply if she comes of her own will and accord.

Jennifer, is it true that you come of your own free will and accord?

(Jennifer) Yes, it is true.

Jennifer, please join hands with Jess and listen to that which I am about to say:

Above you are the stars, below you are the stones. As time passes, remember... Like a star should your love be constant, Like the earth should your love be firm. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage, Let the powers of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable. Possess one another, yet be understanding. Have patience each with the other, For storms will come, but they will go quickly. Be free in giving of affection and of warmth; Have no fear, and let not the ways or words of the unenlightened give you unease, For the powers that be are with you, Now and always…

All things in Nature are circular. Night becomes day, day becomes night and night becomes day again.

The moon waxes and wanes and waxes again.

There is Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, and then the Spring returns.

As the seasons cycle, there is the cycle of Life, Death, and rebirth.

These are part of the Great Mysteries of Life.

(Exchanging of Rings and Vows)

A ring is an unbroken circle, a symbol of unity, of unending love, representative of this greater circle of life of which we all are spiritually a part of.

Jennifer, do you carry with you this symbol of love and the circle of life?

(Jennifer) Yes, I do.

Please place the ring on Jess' left hand and repeat after me:

You cannot possess me, for i belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give to you that which is mine to give.

You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.

This is the vow I pledge to you, this is the union of equals.

Jess, do you have with you a symbol of love and of the greater circle of life?

(Jess) Yes, I do.

Please place the ring on Jennifer's left hand and repeat after me:

I pledge to you that you may partake first of my meal. I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back, and you for mine.

I shall not slander you, nor you me. I shall honour you above all others, and when we quarrel, we shall do so in private, and tell no strangers our grievances.

This is the vow I make to you. This is the union of equals.

(The Binding of the Hands)

Jennifer, take Jess's hands into your own, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you.

(Bride and Groom should be facing each other, his upturned hands resting in hers.)

These are the hands, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life.

These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within your womb.

These are the hands that look so large and clumsy, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief racks your mind.

These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes: eyes that are filled completely with his eternal love for you.

Jess, please hold Jennifer's hands, palms up, where you may see the gift that they are to you.

(Bride should now place her upturned hands in the Groom's hands.)

These are the hands that are smooth, young, and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life.

These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurts, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it's time to let go.

These are the hands that will massage tension from your neck and back in the evenings, after you've both had a long hard day.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. They are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick and console you when you are grieving.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope.

These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams. Together, everything you wish for can be realized.

Just as the rings are a symbol, likewise, this cord is a symbol of the lives you have chosen to lead together. It has been woven to symbolize the intertwining of your lives. Up until this moment you have been separated in thought, word and action. As this cord binds your hands together, so your lives become intertwined.

As the right hand is to the left hand, may you be forever one, sharing in all things, in love and loyalty, for all time to come.

Jess, repeat after me:

I, Jess, take you, Jennifer, to my hand, my heart, and my spirit

Jennifer, repeat after me:

I, Jennifer, take you, Jess, to my hand, my heart, and my spirit

Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone. Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping, For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For even the pillars of the temple must stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. Remember that love gives nothing but itself. Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love. And think not that you can direct the course of love. For love, if it finds you worthy, will direct your course."

Now let us take a moment to listen to this beautiful song.

(The Riddle Song)

Out of the billions of the Earth, these two have come, have looked into each other's eyes, and are now made one. Their ways have converged and shall now be together. In our deepest being we hope that their path may be pleasant and the sky fair where they reside. If trouble comes, as it can surely come to all, may the pressure of the trial only bring them more closely together. With clasped hands and united hearts, may they bear life's sorrows together and share life's joys together.

Jennifer and Jess, today you have made a lifelong and eternal commitment to each other. Honor that commitment, honor each other, and for eternity you will find love and happiness in one another. Having joined in this sacred union, I may now pronounce you, Jess and Jennifer Monaghan, as Husband and Wife. You may now kiss one another.

(Sending off the new couple)

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for each other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other. Now you are two persons, but only one life, between the two of you. Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together. And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

Beannaich Beul

(Recessional Song)

By Jennifer L. Monaghan