What is a Retreat?

Many of us would like to retreat each year but find this difficult, because most of us have responsibilities and commitments which require us to remain in our homes and keep to our schedules.

When we are able to get away for a few days we often feel those days should be shared with our families, or that it is selfish to spend money and leisure time on ourselves.

The longed for retreat is put aside for another season, another year; and we promise ourselves that next month, next summer, next year we will make time for ourselves and our own spiritual welfare and renewal.

Good news! You can make your own retreat at home. All that is required is a clear understanding of the principles of retreating, your determination to retreat, and a good plan.

There are four principles of retreating, I call them the four ";S's": Solitude, Silence, Simplicity, and Surrender. These four elements are the essence of a good retreat.

Solitude:

Solitude means being alone with yourself, being centred within yourself, keeping your attention focused in the here and now, and allowing yourself and others to go their own ways in peace.

It is easier to maintain solitude in the midst of strangers than to be solitary among family and co-workers. It is not, however, impossible. Examine your life over the next few days and you will see there are many times when you are withdrawn from the conversations and activity going on around you. Solitude is not a place outside of you. It is a place within.

SILENCE:

Silence means being still, dwelling in quietude within yourself, speaking only when necessary, not carrying on an internal conversation in your mind, being at peace, allowing yourself to experience, to hear, see, feel and accept all without external or internal comment.

Sometimes it is not possible to avoid speaking. There are times when we must ask and answer questions or make comments necessary to the complete the task at hand. Nevertheless, we speak much more frequently than we need to and much of what we say is pointless, silly, or harmful. During your homemade retreat, consider carefully before speaking. Ask yourself, ";Must I speak?" If the answer is no, remain silent.

SIMPLICITY:

Simplicity means being sufficient within oneself - complete, without desire for more. Simplicity means knowing the difference between I want and I need, and allowing yourself to enjoy enough. Simplicity is the key to security.

One of the main reasons we feel this need to retreat - to get away from it all - is because we are bound about with so many things. Our televisions, computers, vehicles, telephones, homes, books, toys, clothes, and other trophies of our material world enslave us. Retreating at home is a wonderful way to discover the essentials and begin to consider removing the unnecessary things from our lives.

SURRENDER:

Change begins with surrender. Surrender comes from a word that means to go, to move, to change, to become, to give up, to yield. To give up or yield is the definition of retreat. The desire to retreat often comes from a deep inner wisdom informing us that we need to leave some part of ourselves behind. We need to relinquish, to give up something, so that change may begin. Until we are willing to surrender we are running in place and cannot move forward.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO RETREAT?

For a homemade retreat to work you must be willing to dwell in solitude, silence, simplicity, and surrender for the length of your retreat. If you are really longing for a getaway, a change of scene, a white sand beach and the aroma of 'coconut creme pie' lotion, you need a vacation - not a retreat. If you are really yearning for some quiet time away from the kids, the job, the significant other ... you need a solo-vacation, not a retreat. If you need to get away for a weekend of workshops and massage therapy - you need to go to a resort or seminar. All of these are wonderful and worthwhile ways to spend some leisure time, but they are not retreats! Retreating is for serious, deeply spiritual discovery and renewal.

Before you take a look at the plan, be clear and honest with yourself. A homemade retreat is not going to satisfy your desire for a quick vacation.

THE PLAN

Once you understand the principles of retreating and have decided that you want to retreat you need to devise a plan. Your homemade retreat plan should deal with when and where you make your retreat and how you will relate to others during your retreat. I call these elements of the homemade retreat the three W's-when, where and who.

WHEN:

When is the easy part. You may make your retreat at any time. Because you are doing it yourself you are not obliged to fit your retreat into someone else's schedule. I have made many successful retreats at work.

A mini-retreat on your lunch hour is a good way to start out. Set a workday for your retreat. Take a full hour for lunch. In silence and solitude take a simple walk and surrender yourself to the experience. Do not set a route for yourself. Go with the flow of the traffic lights. Follow the ";walk" signals away from your place of work for half an hour. Then follow the ";walk" signals back for the second half.

You may also make a retreat anytime you wish at home. Make your retreat at a time of day when the people around you will be occupied with things that do not involve your participation. Parents of small children have a problem finding even one moment to be with themselves alone, but this is not impossible. Babies sleep. Make your retreat while your baby sleeps. Instead of taking that time to rush about doing laundry and chores, be still, be silent, surrender to solitude and your own inner light.

WHERE:

Sometimes we want to go to a place apart for our retreat and this is not generally possible at work, but may be arranged at home. One of the best retreats I ever made was in an abandoned chicken coop. A part of my retreat was cleaning up the chicken coop and preparing it for habitation. The three days I spent in that simple shelter were amazing and it is an experience I shall never forget.

City dwellers do not generally have old chicken coops to serve as personal retreat centres, and must make do with more practical spaces. Most homes today are larger than they need to be. There are probably areas of you home that are unused. Basements, attics and guestrooms can be easily made into temporary personal retreat centres. Even if you live in a tiny apartment, you almost certainly have a closet.

A part of your retreat should be preparing your retreat space. All you really need is an air mattress, bedding, and a chair. Simplicity is one of the four essentials of retreating. Remove everything non-essential from the area. Be attentive during this process and you will learn a lot about simplicity. Before you actually begin your retreat you may wish to consecrate your space by blessing it with prayer or through a simple ritual.

WHO:

Each of us retreats alone. Even if someone else in your home is making a retreat at the same time you are, they are making their own retreat as you are making yours. However, there may be people in your household who will be involved with you during your retreat. You may not be able to go into your closet for the entire time because you must continue to perform your duties as spouse or parent.

You need to sit down with each person in your home, individually, and explain what you are going to do. Tell them that you are going to spend some time with yourself. Reassure them. Some people - even grown-up people - will find your desire to be quiet and alone scary. Make sure they understand that is a temporary thing, a single event in your long life, and that when your retreat is over you will be back with them. The less threatened everyone feels, the easier it will be for them and for you.

During the times you must be away from your retreat space practice the four essentials - solitude, silence, simplicity, and surrender. Remain centred within yourself. Speak only when you must. Do only what is necessary. Surrender to solitude, silence and simplicity.

What is a Retreat? copyright © 2003 by Tira Brandon-Evans, CH, FS, all rights reserved, used with permission.

By Tira Brandon-Evans

- 2 - Edition 14, August 2003