My Shamanic Retreat

Like the character in the Bourne Identity, it seems I have always been searching for clues as to who I really am.

I now know "we are not humans having spiritual experiences; instead, we are spirits having human experiences" (anon).

This awareness has been just beneath my consciousness for a long time and for as far back as I can remember I have known that everything is connected with energy and love.

I have traveled across the globe and through many bookstores looking for clues. Miraculously, there have been people and sign posts to guide me. My journey only becomes more interesting and exciting as I go along and I have learned to be filled with gratitude for the adventure.

I grew up in a Toronto suburb in what might have been a "Leave it to Beaver" household, if it hadn't been for my mother's chronic debilitating arthritis and the way it transformed our lives. Even though I knew that God, whatever God was, loved everyone equally, this just didn't seem fair. I lost my spiritual innocence and also realized that I felt different and separated from those around me. "Why do people suffer and what can I do to alleviate suffering?" have been major questions in my life.

Every event and challenge in my life seems to have prepared me for the next passage. Never idle, never bored, my life has expanded into horizons I would have never have predicted. (Although a psychic I once met ….) I have back-packed around the world twice, moved 30 times and have jumped into new experiences with reckless abandon no matter where I have landed - whether a small territorial town or a major city. Friends and family marvel at the absurd twistings of my life - it's as if I am caught in a vortex.

In my early 20's I became a registered nurse, "because I wanted to help people." The intimate human contact in nursing led me deeper into caring for the human spirit. Early in my nursing career, I became aware of 'something else' at work alongside me; the unexplainable energy and light in a room after someone passed on, the uncanny intuitiveness that came from 'nowhere' when I was caring for or listening to a patient, the gifts of sharing special moments in the most bizarre of circumstances; these were all clues along my way. Fortunately my spouse is kind, funny and supportive; a safety net with 'duck tape' at the ready. I have two "gifted, learning challenged" daughters. They are my teachers. Their unique profiles, needs and social rejections have led all of us on an exploration of rare neurological disorders, learning styles, ADHD, bullying, "Indigo Children" and "Crystal Children." They are conscious beings with much to share.

Needing a variety of tools to support my journey, I acquired a University Degree in nursing. As well, I have trained in Therapeutic Touch, Yoga, Reiki (level 3), Runes, Medicine wheels, totems, angels, and other miscellaneous "New Age" modalities. Certainly I was ready for the next step when I felt 'the call' to attend a "Shaman Inside" Weekend Retreat. It sounded just right. We all hold the secrets of who we are - what we need are the tools and the coaching - to unlock our access to the divine and the unseen.

On the long-awaited weekend I arrived in a flurry to the retreat centre. (Anyone with school age children and a traveling partner knows the scene). With healing tools, journal, drum and favorite talismans in hand, I joined the group. Quickly, I was challenged to ground myself, was reminded "not to get too caught up in the dramas". We all walk this earthly plane with a bundle of stories - what is important is what we learn from them.

Looking around I could see that the group was a cross-section of men and women eager for the weekend to unfold - Healers, (e.g. Reiki, Healing Touch, hospital staff) folks coping with chronic illness, business and artistic types, grandmothers, teachers … Including the facilitators, we were twelve.

A sacred circle for the weekend was opened and the energy could be felt by everyone. Learning some useful process and ritual, symbolism and guided meditations that have been passed down through Elders around the world, I began to awaken and recognize my own shamanic path. I was surrounded by magical crystals and rocks, totems, drums, sage and feathers and it all added to the essence of the sacred space we had created together.

Having practiced meditation over the years (at times more habitually than at others), I welcomed the peacefulness and lightness that the early morning group meditations brought. Listening to the birds and the ocean I truly felt content for the moment that everything in life was just as it should be.

Challenged to observe my life lessons as I manifest them and know it is all perfect, yet all an illusion - it seems that in every moment everything is possible. This knowing brought needed perspective into my hectic life.

As a shaman I walk a path of observation and intuitiveness. I learned this during my time at the retreat. Along with some specific practices to facilitate the process of awareness and healing, I feel more connected to myself and the universe; as above - so below.

Going on a retreat offers me a chance to re-connect with myself and my source and I plan to happily attend another. With my busy life the retreats are a chance to refuel, focus and continue the search for clues to who I am and who I am becoming. They are a gift I bless myself with and my family definitely appreciates me as a recharged parent after a weekend away at a retreat. As well, I believe it offers an opportunity for my partner and children to honour me as an individual.

It used to be whenever the Universe synchronized to my intentions, I would be surprised, delighted and amazed. Now I find myself even more delighted and amazed when this synchronicity happens - but rarely surprised. I feel like I have peeled off a veil and now I am sensing everything in a different way. The Shaman Inside of me is waking up and I am filled with gratitude for my many blessings.

By Anne Parry

- 9 - Edition 14, August 2003