Weekend Retreats

When I was asked to write about my experience of being on a retreat, my first thought was ... what does it mean?

My trustworthy Oxford dictionary supplied me with these meanings;

(a) to go back, relinquish a position, get safely away, and (b) to withdraw into privacy, to seek a place of sanctuary or asylum.

Well, it all seems to apply to me. After almost fifty years of an extremely adventurous and often exhausting life, I was given the opportunity to go to an Herb farm on Vancouver Island one weekend per month for seven consecutive months, there to embark on a Sentient Awareness Training Retreat. I had never been on or to an "official" Retreat before. Although I do quite a bit of backroads wilderness camping (which never fails to enable me to re-discover and re-connect with the natural world); these retreats promised quite a different experience. Sentient? Awareness? Lucid dreaming? Coast Salish Shamanic Traditions?... I couldn't wait!

It has taken me a long time to seriously honour my need to retreat, to put aside my daily life for a few days, hours or minutes, and take nurturing and validating time for myself. Having been addicted to "busyness" and "being needed" most of my life, ie: eldest daughter, sister, activist, single mother, aunt, friend, and neighbour. I succumbed to C.F.S./Fibromyalgia. My body was insisting that it retreat into rest, solitude and self-care. I didn't listen to my body, even then. My training as a nurturer and my working-class ethic got in my way. It was as if I didn't deserve to rest, take care of myself, or allow others to care for me.

It was the wilderness which gave me a taste of what I was missing in my life. Cellular, spiritual, natural, wild soul-validation. Being with the wind, rain, rivers, trees, birds and animals reminded me that I sprang from the same Source/Wellspring and my essences are linked with all and everything, and we are in constant communication with each other. I wanted more! As I prepared for my weekend sojourns, my heart beat a little faster, my breath quickened with anticipation and I smiled and laughed more. To relinquish my day-to-day Mythos, to get safely away from the doorbells, sirens and ringing phones. To breathe fresh tree-sweetened air. To witness a multitude of stars in the night sky, unpolluted by city lights. To attune with the Hawthorn, Maple and Cedar trees. To be one with the sun and wind and rain, delighting in the chorus of bird-song, mooing cows, neighing horses, barking dogs and that one solitary duck quacking it's Beingness; alone by itself in the pond.

I had gone back, got back to the land to try and set my soul free*. Here in these moments of sanctuary, seclusion and asylum my primal energies soared and re-asserted themselves and I could feel my heart and life-breath in harmony with Gaia; all of our life forces shining and sharing this place in space. I loved and needed these weekends. I was renewed spiritually, psychically, emotionally, and physically, each weekend. I was able to bring some of what I've learned back into my daily life.

I am fortunate to live beside the Pacific Ocean in a wonderfully alive and supportive Housing Co-operative. To be with the water, wind, birds AND traffic and people is now so much less stressful! I'm able to relax into my present environment WITH AWARENESS of the warp and weft of Life's Tapestries and my place within the Web-Matrix.

Joy, gratitude, openness and an appreciation of the combined "Energies of this Great Mystery" that resonates within me and everyone and everything, has been the greatest gift of these/those weekends. AND a great sense of gentleness and hope of peace, both personally and politically. I've learned that I'm not selfish to want, need or desire "retreat time." Without these times of sanctuary, attunement, and "space/place" outside of my dominant cultural paradigm, I am less of the human being I seek and work to be. I am less than myself. As I understand from my experience, "retreat times" are essential to my and to the world's well-being. To me this is central and integral to living a joyous, meaningful life; full of love and respect ... and many more adventures!

Make room for Retreats. After all, everyone deserves a 'Treat over and over and over again.

*lyric from "Woodstock" by Joni Mitchell

By Shereen Legault

- 12 - Edition 14, August 2003