Visions of Oneness on the Internet

No words to comfort.

No guidebook with instructions.

No timeframe in which to ease the unspeakable pain of grief.

So, what do you do? You share. You care. You look outside yourself for healing.

One place increasing numbers of grieving people look to is the Internet. And often, not just to be understood, but to understand; and to find answers to the desperate "whys?" of their anguish. On grief websites, you begin to see that others are asking many of the same questions as you, and making similar observations.

"I thought I was going to lose my sanity in the middle of the night."

"It helped to know I was not alone in dealing with feelings of total hopelessness, that I do have others to lean on."

"Having someone to talk to who is going through the same things I am, is such a godsend!"

"Sometimes just being able to talk to someone outside of my family and friends, a stranger, helps the most." These, and many other words of sameness, are there.

Delusions of individuality transform into visions of oneness as people open their hearts and minds to share the uncommonly common experience of the grief process. An overwhelming sense of oneness enters your consciousness, and you inch a bit closer to accepting the Divine Order of a Universal Intelligent Spirit. You begin to comprehend that death doesn't discriminate, and pain is the same whether you're young or old, wealthy or poor, educated or not.

After my youngest son passed over to the Other Shore in a senseless automobile accident several years ago, I developed a website www.hometown.aol.com/RevCher/SpiritFaith.html dedicated to the healing of a heartache beyond any earthly perception This, and my AOL Group, Grief Healing, offers anonymity useful in expressing words some would think incomprehensible; thoughts and feelings surfacing there which are universal to bereavement. From the moment of losing a loved one, the pain is always there to one degree or another, much like a chronic illness. Adapting to it seems to be the answer. Part of the adjustment is accessing peer support, someone who's been where you are. Using the Internet for grief support isn't for everyone, though. Some people need more of a tactile contact; a hug, a touch, a smile. But, for those dark moments at night when all you want is to awaken from the nightmare of loss, when all you want is someone to be there for you because you felt as though you were losing your mind, it's invaluable.

Whether you're posting your own experience, or reading previous postings, you find the comfort and strength you so fiercely crave. Just when you felt the very worst ever has been visited upon you, you hear of another human being's situation that has the capability of tearing your heart out. People there understand the heartache and loss because they've been there, done that. And, would prefer not to do it again. Becoming a member of a group for those grieving is not ever a club anyone wishes to join. But, life being what it is, death does visit occasionally. Even if you only find one kindred spirit, as I did after John passed, then the experience will have been worthwhile. My close friend, my cyber-buddy, lives in Texas, and I in Michigan. Our sons were close in age, in similar fatal accidents, and within a few months timeframe of happening. Marcia, I met on a grief-healing site, and was somebody I could say anything to, being assured that understanding would prevail through the pain.

As with all things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. You either grow spiritually, or you stagnate. The choice is yours whether to open your mind and heart to Divine Love, or not. My website is meant only to be a source of solace and camaraderie, an "esprit-de-corps" for those who find themselves in the depths of despair - regardless of their spiritual orientation. Giving expression to your emotions has the potential to clarify burdensome issues, such as anger, regret, guilt, bitterness, bewilderment, denial, depression, frustration, and a shocking numbness. Emotional turmoil - in time of sorrow - indeed, makes you vulnerable, off-centered, confused. Almost every emotion in the Book of Life quivers through your world, like ripples on the water when a pebble hits.

Whether it's a poem, lyrics to a song, an e-mail, or other inspirational greeting, the momentary connection with someone who touches your heart with understanding can offer a rare togetherness, a oneness joined by Divine Love. Expression of your pain through being creative, in whatever format that may be - writing, painting, singing, cooking, dancing, music - can offer a significant and most welcome follow-through to the emotional, and often physical pain. Ironically, even though well-meaning family and friends surround you, processing your pain eventually is a solitary task. For me, being disabled with limited access to being out and about, motivated me to seek other ways to communicate, to find spiritual answers.

As memories flood your consciousness, some offering laughter, some cries of anguish; your heart will burst with pride and love, as you recall this special person. And you realize what an incredible privilege it was, to have known your loved one. You find your life has been enriched with the presence of this spirit sent from the Other Shore; that you are being gently guided toward a belief in Divine Order, that life is unfolding perfectly for all of us. We realize it is ours to love, and be loved. To accept, and to be accepted. To understand that life is cyclical, unending. Even the grief journey is like a circle. Just when you thought you'd dealt with one aspect of it, another issue pops up. To seek things for which to be grateful. I wear his love on my sleeve, and share it with anyone who crosses my path. Internet grief sites offer this touching of the humanity and God-Presence within each of us.

My spiritual growth was spurred on both by a long-ago diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, and by my youngest son's death in an automobile accident six years ago. I became a metaphysical minister, and choose to focus my writing skills toward healing those who are grieving.

By Cheryl Jewett