Manage the "Me Society" For Emotional Balance

Our Western world increasingly focuses on what I call a "me society" -- centering a lot on yourself and your seemingly undeniable needs.

Buy more of this or that because you have to have it!

Spend more time and money on yourself because you deserve it and need it!

Take time away, just for yourself, because everyday life is too stressful.

These are the messages. Some are good and helpful, but some are just too much.

Is it possible for us to get too wrapped up in ourselves by following these cultural imperatives? What is the best balance between taking time out for yourself versus giving of yourself?

Let me introduce you to some ideas and concepts that might help you answer these questions and, as a result, create an emotionally healthy and balanced path between the "me" and outside interests. Vincent Parrillo

Dr. Vincent Parrillo recently returned from Europe where he noted that people there generally spend more time with family and friends, developing a strong social net to meet emotional needs. Credit : William Paterson University

Sociology Professor Dr. Vincent Parrillo of New Jersey's William Paterson University teaches a class called "Self and Society." He has given a lot of thought to balancing individual needs and those of the world.

Speaking to me from his office, he said that outside influences, particularly advertisements and frequently the media, are often aimed at enhancing one's image and self-esteem, as well as constructing one's place in society.

However, wishful thinking and reality are often two different things, especially when it comes to everyday responsibilities.

"The only way we can cope and maintain balance between what assaults us every day and our own wishes is to recognize the need to achieve a balance," says the professor.

Bud Harris, the author of Sacred Selfishness, says that finding that balance means determining if you will focus your energy on being sickly self-centered and demanding or, instead, becoming a person of substance whose presence brings hope and energy.

"My own opinion is that we've been mislead by our own culture, particularly advertising and the media. They want us to think that by doing more and buying more, our problems would be solved," says the psychologist.

"Now, the wellness people are urging us to take better care of ourselves--all of which are good things--but they are asking us to follow the culture's idea."

Bud told me that taking your own path to spend time on self-love and character development is what's needed to give us a clear perspective, providing us the substance we need to nourish and enrich ourselves.

He suggests journal writing as a tool that can help us define our daily life, understand ourselves and our environment, put the "me" and "the world" in perspective, and make meaningful plans for the future.

Since there is a balance between taking care of ourselves and giving of ourselves to others, "what you want to do is live a life of integrity," says Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money.

"Living a life of integrity is a life in which you're willing to create a context of what is enough -- where your soul and heart are in balance with who you are and who you know yourself to be."

Lynne recommends changing your mindset from scarcity to abundance in order to bring your life into more balance.

"We swim in a pool of (erroneous) beliefs that time, money, love, good relationships, food, water, trees, etc., are all scarce and that there is not enough to serve everyone," she told me during her book tour in Tucson, Arizona.

"But this causes us to marginalizes people and leave them out so that we have more for ourselves."

Lynne says that this "you or me" approach can only cause imbalance and unrest in our soul.

However, if you realize that you can let go once you have what you need, then you can contribute more to your family, your work, and your community from a feeling of abundance.

By balancing this need for self-care with a desire to bring your talents and time to others, you aren't as swayed by the media messages around you, your life blossoms with integrity and balance, and emotional health thrives.

© Copyright 2003 Terra Wellington

By Terra Wellington