Managing Emotions of Grief

Wouldn't it be nice if we could each have a manual for dealing with grief?

Grief is one emotion that can feel so complex and confusing.

It can surface from any number of changes in our life. We do not have to experience a death to feel grief.

We can grieve over a divorce or any change in our life, such as moving to a new house, changing cities or countries, getting married, menopause, loosing a pet, getting older, loosing our job, having surgery or a terminal illness, changing careers, having a miscarriage, our children getting older and not needing us so much, etc.

The grief cycle can be different for each person. The varieties of feelings we can experience during the stages of grief include: sadness, loss, guilt, anger, shock (disbelief), denial, despair and numbness. We may want to withdraw at times and not understand what is happening while we are going through the grief process.

What can we do when these feelings overwhelm us? The first and most important thing is to recognize and acknowledge how you are feeling. The next step is to let yourself know that this is OK and is part of the process.

You do not have to go through the grief process alone. It is helpful to talk about how you are feeling, write it out, be creative, do physical exercise or find whatever way works best for you. There is no one way to experience grief, and some people can express it emotionally while others need to keep busy in order to manage their grief.

What is so important to health and wellness is to do whatever you can to express your grief instead of repressing it. When we repress emotions our body will find some way to release them. This can show up in many ways. I have worked with thousands of people and have seen it manifest as shingles, back pain, migraines, insomnia, fatigue, fibromyalgia, depression, and cancer, to mention just a few.

I would like to share a powerful experience of healing that occurred with one of my clients in regard to grief. This man called me up and asked if I could help him. He had been suffering from shingles for the past month and nothing was helping. Even after three weeks out of work, there was still no improvement. He came to see me and I noticed where the shingles were on his body, and the correlation between his lungs and the emotion of grief and loss. I asked him if there had been any losses in his life lately and he sat up and told me that two of his closest friends had just died. He had not been able to grieve for them and so his body was doing it for him. I told him to go home and say goodbye to his friends in whatever way he could, and that that would help in healing the shingles. He came back one week later and the shingles had cleared up.

What was and is so clear to me is that once my client became more consciously aware of his grief and the connection that it had to his body, he could then respond appropriately, and in turn his body was able to heal completely.

One of my favorite quotes from Robert Bly, that expresses what I have just shared, is "The body cries the tears the eyes never shed."

In managing and coping with grief, it is important to give yourself permission to let go of guilt and take the time to be loving, patient and gentle with yourself--and to get whatever support you can. Feed yourself fresh, healthy and nurturing foods and get whatever physical exercise you can. Express how you are feeling and allow yourself time to go within and grieve. Remember that the grieving process takes whatever time it takes, and some days will feel easier than others.

"As we experience grief, we are truly in uncharted territory. We do not know just how long or how intensely we should feel the anger, pain and guilt resulting from loss. Nor do we know how to behave toward others. Often we feel guilty because we are afraid of imposing our sadness on others."

—The Path Through Grief by Marguerite Bouvard.

My dearest friend's wife died last year and through his grieving process he has been able to open his heart more than ever before and feels more loving toward himself and others.

Do whatever you need to do to keep your energy clear. If you have been around people who are grieving, make sure to energetically protect yourself so that you do not take on their grief. We can be supportive, compassionate and loving to others without having to take on what they are feeling.

By Laurie Leah Levine