Overcoming Fear to Achieve Your Potential

"All my problems stem from fear of losing what I have and fear that I won't get what I want." Alcoholics Anonymous

What Is Fear?

Fear is an uneasy feeling that something we don't want may occur.

There are various levels of fear starting with mild anxiety, moving through increased nervousness, and terminating in hysterical terror.

What Are the Negative Effects of Fear?

Fear keeps us from becoming the person we wish to be. All people have hopes, wishes and goals for their lives. These are the joys and challenges that give life meaning and purpose. These goals can be small or large and can be anything from changing jobs to leaving an unfruitful marriage. When we are fearful, we hold ourselves back from going after these goals. Human beings naturally strive, create, change, learn and develop, and we measure the success of our life based on whether we have achieved these goals.

The effects of fear

One of the insidious characteristics of fear is that even irrational fears appear rational. Fear has a clinging quality that covers everything we look at in a murky gray. When we are fearful we see the glass half empty instead of half full and look for supporting evidence for why we can't have what we want.

Scarcity Mentality

Although fear is an emotion, there is an erroneous thought that lies behind it. That is the scarcity mentality of "There's not enough love, success, money, happiness for everyone." This thought leads naturally to the next one, "Therefore, there are winners and losers." Having made that connection, people then, based on their self-esteem and life experience, put themselves into one of these two categories. How we react to fears depends on our temperament. Aggression, depression, and escapism are three of the most common reactions to fear.

Living in the Past or Future

These negative effects of fear manifest when we hold ourselves back from doing something that we really want to do. If we do this because we fear that someone won't like us, that we'll be fired, that we'll fail, then we are denying ourselves the potential of what we are able to become. We are either

living in the past -- "If only I

• had gone to university"
• had had children"
• didn't waste 20 years at that job"
• had married someone different"

or

living in the future -- "When

• I retire…"
• my boss retires…"
• the kids grow up…"
• I win the lottery…"

Self-Actualization: Moving through Fear

What we need to do is to live in the present and take responsibility for our decisions now. We need to be aware that the longer we put off doing our number-one priority because of either fear or erroneous thinking, the more our frustration and disenchantment with life increases. Decades ago Maslow said that only 10% of people were leading self-actualized lives. I believe this number is much higher now and that we are moving toward self-actualization as a race. I remember hearing Tom Peters say, "If you haven't been fired by age 30, you're not pushing your boundaries."

This is a time for individuals to push their boundaries and seek to move beyond their fears to ask for what they need. I say this not only because I believe individuals and our society will be much happier and healthier if we do, but also because leading a cautious life is no longer an option. Every value on which our Western culture was founded has changed. No longer is there any job security, and not engaging in lifelong learning is a recipe for personal disaster. I do not know any totally fearless people. I do know many people who act even when they are afraid. I believe that's all we need to do to continue moving closer and closer to our goals and to becoming the person we have the potential to be. Scared or not, this is a time for us to sign up and do the best we can, not only for ourselves, but for our world.

Self-Actualized Life

• challenging work
• learning
• personal growth
• working at something we value
• overcoming our fears to become the best we can be

Cautious Life

• job security
• comfortable routine
• society approves of us
• $ is main reason for working
• playing it safe; never rising to our potential

By Tanis Helliwell