Spirit Knocking at My Door

It was amazing; eight months into my second pregnancy at the age of almost 40, I knew I had made the wrong decision to remarry my first husband.

It had been 14-years, another dysfunctional relationship, a beautiful son and years of empowerment training when he came back into my life for the second time.

Why was he back? What was Spirit trying to tell me?

Over the years I dreamt about him frequently, I took this to mean that we didn't have closure and we were working through our differences in the dream state to clear and uncover what was hidden. Regardless, I felt so compelled to see him almost as though I had no control over the situation and dreading it at the same time.

Spirit knocked on my door the first time when my ex husband felt so compelled to want to be with me and talked relentlessly of having a baby girl together. I was scared. After I let him in, I wanted it to work, he was my first love and there was always magnetism with him and he seemed different or was it wishful thinking on my part. As he proceeded to woo me, all I could think about was "what are your intentions this time". I knew I was stronger than the first time and I had been working on myself spiritually for years, so what could go wrong, I could handle it. Spirit knocked on my door the second time when I was power walking with a friend and colleague of many years. I remember conversing about my ex and while walking I felt this profound "knowing" when I said to her "I know if I stay with him, I'll die". What did that mean?

So I proceeded gradually into the relationship interrogating him along the way and informing him that now I was on "the path" and committed to my growth. that I was different from what he was used to in the past. We dated for 7 months before I got pregnant and it didn't take him very long to show me his old tricks. Spirit came knocking at my door the third time when I announced my pregnancy to him and he contradicted himself by rejecting the child. It was time to end the relationship but I didn't. I was 8 months pregnant when I was planning my escape again only this time it was going to be harder. He lived in Maryland , I lived in New Jersey , I had a son and he had two adopted sons living with their mother in Maryland . I moved to Maryland to have the baby. The next five years were filled with challenges beyond what I could handle. I was having a silent breakdown. I needed a plan.

I decided to finish writing the book I had started before I left New Jersey knowing that it would be difficult after leaving the marriage. I moved downstairs to the guest room waiting for a miracle. During the summer of 1996 I had returned home after taking a short vacation at the Jersey Shore . It was Labor Day and early that evening while resting and watching TV with my daughter, Spirit knocked at my door a fourth time . While consciously watching television my left arm lifted as if it had a mind of its own touched my right breast and I felt a lump. In 1996 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The tumor was in its 2 nd stage, 1-½ years in growth equivalent to the time when I received the news of my husband's betrayal. Spirit knocked on my door the fifth time when my first surgery was scheduled on my anniversary date September 16th , my wake up call!

Spirit's second warning had been, if I STAYED, I would die. I'll never forget that rainy day in March 1997 when my children and I left Maryland forever, my lawyer was yelling at me for not having separation papers and I was on chemotherapy with the flu. I left for NJ homeless, jobless and looking forward to 33 treatments of radiation. Today I am a breast cancer survivor of eight years. I went from victim to victor when I decided to live in trust. I currently have my own business as a motivational speaker and writer. I have learned that life doesn't have to be difficult that we are given the answers and that there is nothing in life to fear.

By Anna Gallo