Pulling Out All the Stops: A Mother's Perspective . A Son's Cancer

The huge banner stretched across the main entrance to the largest hospital on the east coast of Canada stirred up some anger in me.

"Focus on Cancer" were the words which greeted my family as we dragged our feet into the lobby of that hospital.

Focusing on cancer was the last thing any of us wanted to do.

And, yet, here we were, mother, father, and son, walking straight into a parent's worst nightmare . a diagnosis of cancer in a child.

The fact that it was also Valentine's Day seemed like an ironic twist of fate . getting a diagnosis of cancer on a day dedicated to love. In retrospect, perhaps it was totally appropriate. We certainly saw love demonstrated in a myriad of ways. We experienced it with a nurse, Louise, who took a moment to acknowledge me as a mother. We experienced it with the surgeons who spoke to us gently, respectfully, and reassuringly. We experienced it as we sat in the office of the oncologist and saw how much he wanted what we wanted. And what could be more loving than parents supporting their child with their presence.

That banner, however, distressed me because I knew in my heart how important it was not to focus on the disease. Don't get me wrong. I knew it was important to seek treatment. I knew it was important to deal with what was going on. I knew that my 17 year old child's life depended on pulling out all the stops in addressing the invasion of his body.

Pulling out all the stops, for me, meant using everything in my power and within my grasp to deal with my son's courageous journey. I will share with you three of the things that I thought were important.

1. Mother's Touch . Before his diagnosis, as he became sicker and sicker with what we thought was the influenza virus that was rampant in our community, he was experiencing physical pain in his back. I used what I call "Mother's Touch" to bring some relief. It was simple: Close my eyes, call on God, and ask that my hands be used to channel healing energy to my son. I knew that my son would decide, at some level, what to do with it. I can tell you that my son always answered positively when I asked if he would like his back massaged. It brought him relief.

2. Focus . After my son's diagnosis, I arranged with the principal of his high school to meet with anyone who wanted to know more about Jeff's illness. At that meeting, attended mostly by Jeff's many friends, I passed out business-sized pieces of paper. On those pieces of paper were the words: "When you think of Jeff, please think of him as happy, healthy, and healed." I knew how frightened they were, because I knew how frightened I was. However, I also knew how important it was to focus on life, not the possibility of death. Several years later, one of the young women in that room told me that she still carried that piece of paper in her wallet. That brings a lump to my throat.

Advertisement: Aegis Coaching Services3. More Focus . During his hospital stay, the medical team fulfilled their responsibility for full disclosure by filling a white board in Jeff's room with all the horrific potential side effects of the chemo regimen. I couldn't bear to listen and admit to leaving the room; however, my husband and my son had more courage. Upon my return, I wrote something on the whiteboard which I felt the medical folks had failed to emphasize. I wrote the words, "Chemo is healing." I did not see, but my husband said one of the residents kinda snickered when he read my words. I did not care.

There is, of course, more. Synchronistically, on the day of Jeff's first chemo treatment, I was pre-registered for a workshop that was absolutely the perfect vehicle for meeting and dealing with all my fears. I returned to the hospital to hear the oncologist say to my son, "I've got a really good feeling about you."

The oncologist was right. Jeff completed his six months of intensive chemotherapy, and I would not wish that experience on my worst enemy. However, he did it with unbelievable strength and courage and now, seven years later, continues to be . happy, healthy, and healed.

If you would like to contact Sheila, please email her at Sheila@UnleashingTheLeaderWithin.com or call 902-462-8441.

By Sheila Kelly