Healing our Relationships - Being Individual but not Separate

Life is one big Relationship.

From the moment we arrive into this world to the moment we depart, every experience we have is a type of relationship - be it with ourselves, with others or with our Creator!

Unfortunately, as Humans, we still have a long way to go in finding balance & equilibrium within our various relationships.

And in view of the recent attacks in New York, our choice to respond using fear, anger, hate and retaliation has made the hopes of ever attaining this equilibrium, bleaker! Essentially, nothing happens on our planet without our complicity. The way in which we have chosen to live our own "personal" lives ultimately contributes to and creates a global mindset. And as global events occur, regardless of their nature, they are simply an inevitable outcome of our own collectively disowned shadow issues. Put simply, as individuals, we have not learnt how to go beyond judgment to forgiveness, beyond blame to admittance or beyond retaliation to considering whether there is another way!

Individual but not Separate

Our narrow understanding of Relationship has blinded us from knowing the full implications of the truth that we are "individual but not separate!" We have failed to realize that our thoughts, feelings and actions are not ours alone, but combine to impact within the greater global consciousness to create events that reflect our own unresolved and disowned issues. Our own negativity, like a cancerous cell, combines with other such cells until the whole body of humanity becomes ill and dysfunctional, a dysfunction which ultimately envelops us in its shadow. To continue to blame another is old & worn out! We must realize that even if there are bad or dangerous people amongst us, we can choose to look at their existence in our personal realities as mirrors of what we still need to integrate. This approach does not absolve others of their inappropriate and harmful actions however, it acknowledges that they are not separate from us and that we all operate within the same body.

In truth, the real villain is our own ignorance of the fact that within each of us exists the key to healthy, harmonious & respectful relationships. But how many of us are ready to go within to explore & "experience" this truth? Instead, we allow the drama & hype around us to convince us that the key to peace is war and that to be safe, we must sacrifice our personal rights and freedoms. This does not have to be so!

The Time is Now

The time has come in our evolution to consciously think for ourselves and choose awareness over ignorance. We must open our eyes to the bigger picture. It is time to heal our relationships and get real, rather than accepting a "reality" in which we are victims rather than co-creators. It is time to acknowledge and choose vulnerability as strength, not weakness. It is a time to courageously gaze into the mirror or our own creations and recognize ourselves, complete with our shadows, as we cannot heal that which we hide. And to achieve this, each of us must start with assessing how we choose to behave within our own "personal" relationships.

I encourage each one of you to take time out and reflect upon how you have been living life and whether your relationship with it has been healthy. Invite your close friends, intimates and family to join you in re-examining the dynamics which dictate how you feel and accordingly act in your daily interactions. Without such examination and a willingness to change, conflict will continue to be the bane of your existence. As the saying goes, “If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten”!

Below are some questions to assist you in embarking on this inner quest of healing your relationships and in turn, healing the world.

1. When challenged, do I react with anger, blame and violence or do I choose compassion, empathy, acceptance and love.

2. Am I accepting of my own weaknesses and shortcomings?

3. Do I hide from my feelings or do I stay present with them?

4. Do I feel worthy of receiving? Am I comfortable asking for support?

5. Am I critical of myself and feel unworthy of life's gifts?

6. Am I judgmental, critical and blaming of others around me?

7. Am I my own best friend or my worst enemy?

8. Do I feel heard, appreciated, understood by those close to me?

9. Do I feel safe being myself around others or do I use different masks?

10. Do I put others ahead of myself because they are more important?

11. Do I feel alone in this world? Do I have a connection with the Creator?

12. Do I trust that there is a Creator looking after my needs?

13. Do I accept myself for who I am or do I always need to have others accept me first?

14. Am I living my truth right now or have I compromised myself to fit in?

15. Would the child in me like the adult I've become?

By Taron Puri